POCKET UNIVERSE CHRONICLE
July 26, 2266 —FATHERNET MULTIVERSAL NEWS—–Still just 10%!
FILMWAY FOSSILS FOUND!!
ORIGINAL BROADCAST PROGRAM DATES BACK TO 1964!
Early CBS artifacts copyright loophole provides rare archeological find!
TV Guide Magazine Authenticated by New Evidence…page 3
By Justin Noteworthy OPT-Omegan Press Terra
The archeologists haven’t been able to bring many solid 20th-century digital artifacts to the table in our time lately. The digital storage devices of the PMP (Pre Mayan Pulse) era weren’t impervious to the Mayan Pulse Coronal Mass Ejection of o’12, so the unanticipated recovery of entire seasons of 1960s television broadcasting in its pristine original radio TV waveform is being hailed as a major missing link found.
Due to a loophole in the archaic copyright suppression of the period, archeologists have picked up Intern Net broadband remnants of the original TV (visual radio-wave “tell the vision”) broadcast, of an early reality program titled “Petticoat Junction”.
“The program had just enough URL strength on the early Intern Net that it made it to the computer preserve,” said Data Minor, archives project computer for the Howard Foundation. “It seems they failed to renew the 28-year copyright which made it freely available on the Intern Net right up to the Mayan Pulse. Good thing for us too, or we wouldn’t be having this interview!
When asked what copyright law had to do with the price of Tea in Orion, Director Minor responded, “Most of the copyrighted broadcast stuff was bought, paid for with money, and distributed in solid storage device format, which is why so much of it was lost. This is the first verified recovery from what the TV Guide refers to as the ‘Country Bumpkin System’. Anything under copyright because of the suppressive copyright laws of the time was largely absent on the Intern Net, and the bootleg URLs were quickly shut down before they could acquire any detectable level of URL echo with today’s technology.
The recovered wave artifacts number eighteen in all. The complete wave stream consists of (a quite voluminous) 18 segments broadcast in serially defined episodes. Each episode is a whopping 25 minutes and 25 seconds in duration.
The program, presented by Ms. Filmways according to audio impressions of the artist’s signature, portrays North American life in the late Second Millennium. Scientists are cautious about assuming facts not yet in evidence concerning the 20th-century time stamp designation.
The preliminary investigation of Season One Episode One is baffling the linguistic scholars who so far can find no symptoms of the mass neurosis known to historians as “The Crazy Years” on 15 of the 16 known parallel Armstrong Earth timelines. Anthropologists are now trying to determine if the program originated on some heretofore undiscovered timeline in the Armstrong Cascades. If this is indeed the case, science will need to concede that the FMOM (First Man On the Moon) is not the revered Default Cusp of Many Worlds in the history of the Armstrong Cascades as predicted.
The more radical among them theorize that the “Petticoat Junction” recordings may have come from one of the three legendary lost or hidden Earths. Adherents to the Stephen King codexes* claim the find proves that 19 is the actual number of known parallel Earths.
(*According to the eccentric group, King’s Constantines, the 16 Earths in the local Armstrong Cascades exist, along with three more remaining behind an ironic curtain of stealth under the rule of an entity known as the Crimson King, who in turn is a pseudonym for the King himself.)
Dr. Jane Goodman of the Howard Foundation had this to say about the find:
“Many of the common historical landmarks of the period found on the known Cascade parallels are missing, but of course, we’re just now digging in. So far there has been no evidence of the Kennedy Assassination, or the Viet Nam War, but there is one possible space reference that has been detected in the Season One series, so we’ll have to wait and see. One might surmise that at least one of these momentous historical events would have had some effect on the Hooterville population. Early semantic scanning has detected one “astronaut” reference in a later episode, but further review and analysis of the artifact will be required before any definitive conclusions can be made.” says Goodman, adding “We’ll know more after enhancing the URL residue waves. To date, we’ve only been able to restore the data string Season One Episode One. And the linguistics can be quite baffling.”
Even with just that fraction of data reviewed, enough has been restored to cause spirited arguments among techno-historians who may now have to revise their beliefs about the state of middle 20th Century technology, based on the primary analysis of the train featured in the program called the “Cannonball Express”, a steam-powered locomotive and an early example of machine-human bonding.
Social historians also point out that child labor law may not have proceeded as quickly as previously believed on most parallel timelines. In the society portrayed, a small girl functions as the engineer on the train. Specialists in sentient machine psychology are also postulating that the Cannonball Express may have been a muted sentient being as the HVN Kate Bradley apparently has a relationship with it, and talks to the train while patting it affectionately in the recovered episode.
This would mean that the revered Saint Kalahari Galloway is not the first known sentient machine.
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